Aug 30, 2013

I just want to do things

When was the last time I just wrote a blog post from the heart?   Too damn long, I say.

So, to catch up...all of that getting settled in Germany stuff aside, I'm diving into this writing career business head on.  I'm eating up any article I can get my hands on, scouting freelance gigs, preparing for graduation in April.  It's exciting, but it's also a little...bleh.

The days fly by and sometimes I hardly get anything done.  If I get one article query done in seven days, I consider that a success...meanwhile, it can take MONTHS to hear back.  So, now what?  I'm barely squeezing in time to work with the kids and errands and housework and weekends and sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in this valley of impossibility surrounded by mountains I have to climb, getting nowhere on any of them.

And all I really want is to do things.  I want to accomplish something.  Everyday I think...I need to blog more.  I need to write more.  I need to read more.  I need to play with Jude more.  I need to do more and all that comes is less of everything because I am just so damned overwhelmed.

And to top it off...how isolating is the writer's life?  Throw in being over here and it almost feels as if I'm shouting into an abyss and no one can hear me.  And all I have to do is stop trying and it will be like I was never here at all.

It's very much that "is everyone hanging out without me?" feeling.

*Emo whine sesh over*


11 comments:

Megan Wade said...

Bleck, I'm sorry. I do know that feeling. It's pretty exhausting. I hope things clear up for you soon. I do love when you blog...even if it is an emo whine sesh.

Natalie J said...

I just started following your blog and enjoyed your post! I like that you are a writer. I'm also looking for freelance opportunities and found one through my local newspaper. Writing is so exciting. Can't wait to hear more about your journey as a writer!

Chantal said...

I need to learn more about freelancing. It's something I've always been interested in, but I'm not sure if I can come up with compelling article ideas.

Ashley @ ThisUnscriptedLife said...

You just need the days to be longer. MORE TIME! That's what we all need but then we would all be exhausted from the extra hours...

Fran said...

Take a deep breath! :) I hate feeling so overwhelm and ending up coming short of all the things I could be doing. Also, this reminded me of that quote "people overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can do in a lifetime" - not 100% how that relates but I know it's helped me keep more focused on smaller day-to-day to do lists (therefore making me less overwhelm) and on big goals in the long term :)

angieeatspeace said...

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Know that just because there are no tangible results yet, does not mean you are not doing anything. I feel all of your hard work will have payoffs.

Stephany said...

Oh, friend. I know this feeling so much. I'm feeling that way so much lately. With my new job, my days Monday - Thursday are go, go, go and I barely have time to breathe. I forced myself to sit down and do some research for my NaNoWriMo book tonight because I haven't done ANY creative writing in weeks. It's hard to fit it all in because you're right, something always falls to the wayside when that happens. Deep breaths and remember all you can do is live in the moment you are in. This too shall pass. :)

Megan C. Stroup said...

Oh my gosh me too! In fact, the other day I asked my fiance, "Is it weird that I want to live five lives, not because I want to do lots of fun things but because I want like five different career paths?" Haha. Between searching for jobs and researching graduate school options, I just want to DO something and that something hasn't happened yet. But good luck with all your queries! I have no doubt you will be a successful writer. :)

Erinn C.D. said...

I love it when you write non-book related posts. Well, this post isn't something to love per se but I hope you know what I mean. I wrote a post last week about how I need to be better and someone told me not to beat myself up about things. I get pretty hard on myself and it's usally at that point when the things I want to have happen, do happen. I know it sucks to hear "it'll all work out" but I genuinely believe that everything works out exactly like it should...one way or the other. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

melissa said...

Awww, I feel you on this. Being a writer is NOT easy. Not to mention you live too far away. Come closer please.

But seriously, you're a superstar. You're a mom of two, in school, and doing about 8 zillion other things. Just keep truckin'. To do lists are your best friend. You got this :)

ohseems said...

*hug* I know the feeling really. But, I think you're doing pretty damn well especially after moving to a different country, being a mom, blogging, going to school, etc. You are doing things! I know it doesn't seem like you are because it may feel like its not the things you want to do be doing. Baby steps, I suppose. Maybe you should do mini short stories and just post them on here or start a tumblr and post stories there.

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